Reject or Relentless

Jessica Sunday

"You're a reject." That very word sunk deep into my heart and buried itself even deeper into my thoughts. The insecurity I felt in that moment overwhelmed me like a shadow falling heavy around me. It set in. The insecurity of believing this lie shattered my heart for these words were spoken by someone I love. A question lingered within me. How could someone who provides for me speak such hurt into my life? This two syllable word echoed back to me with rage, doubt, and rejection... 'reject, reject, reject.' I knew this wasn't true, but why did I start believing this lie? 

It was not long before I let it eat at me. I think now I know what the problem was. I had lost focus that my Heavenly Father - my Abba Father - does not label me in such a derogatory way. No. He calls me chosen, called out, sent forth, daughter, virtuous, and relentless (Okay, maybe relentless is not found in the Bible. I am not actually sure), but I know with your Father God you can be relentless). I am working hard to speak this affirmation to the deepest places of my heart - that I am relentless - that even when the closest people in your life spew words of rejection at you, you are more than capable of being and becoming relentless. It may be a process of becoming relentless because you need to weed out  doubts, fears, cares, tears, and rejection from your life. Do not lose hope. You will find your way, and when you do, you will be so glad looking back that you have decided to become relentless rather than resorting to the lie of rejection. You are not a reject. I am not a reject. I am relentless. You are relentless. 

Here are some ways we can be relentless in the midst of rejection: 

• Talk to your Heavenly Father, and ask for His healing. 
• Meditate on truths from God's Word. 
• Speak words of affirmation into your life. 
• Try not to dwell on the rejection, and surround yourself with people who know your worth. 
• Pray for the person causing you grief. 

Have you found yourself believing the lies of rejection? Find your comfort in the One who knows your every longing and desires to fulfill your biggest dreams. With Him, He will make you relentless. You will form an unbreakable bond with your Heavenly Father that no man can break. 

The Heart of Thankfulness

The Heart of Thankfulness

Jessica Sunday 

Tomorrow is indeed Thanksgiving, and we have a lot to be thankful for. We also must not forget who we ought to be thankful to. In the midst of the Thanksgiving tradition you may be familiar with - yes, the one where your family goes around the table and states something they are thankful for, we must not forget to whom our blessings come from - Jesus Christ. Now, I can name a plethora of things I am truly blessed with; however, I will save you from reading that list. I do, however, want to focus on the many who may not have friends and family to celebrate such a joyous holiday. 

Christ did not just choose to give us abundant blessings to  tightly grip onto. He gave them to us so that those blessings might just pour bountifully into the lives of others. The heart of thankfulness is giving. I mean, that is what the word "thanksgiving" consists of - { thanks and giving} That is just it! When we are thankful, we give, or at least we should. 

Who is it in your life that you know could use some "giving"? Who is it that you are called to love tomorrow? Before you gather with friends and family, think of that one person you can bring a little Thanksgiving to and see what the Lord might do through you. It is not too late to be a blessing. Pray for the person that came to mind, and be a blessing. If that means picking up the phone and inviting that person for Thanksgiving dinner, helping at a mission, sending a card,  or preparing a plate of food for them tomorrow - do it. Tomorrow will pass, and the rush of Black Friday will consume many, but carry this thankfulness and giving to others beyond this weekend. Have a lovely Thanksgiving! 

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever." {Psalm 118:29}

Critics and Picket Fences

Critics and Picket Fences 

Jessica Sunday

Let's face it. We all have critics. I'm not talking about those professors or friends of yours who offer constructive criticism either. No, we all need that. We all must accept that; however, I am speaking of those people in your life that just want to tear you down. These are the people who want to try to find every flaw about you and shine the spotlight on each one of them. 
I have many flaws. 

I am not intimidated by that fact. Why? I am not called to live in my flaws; I am called to live in the forgiveness that I was offered. The truth is, we will never be flawless. Never. However, in the sanctification Christ has us in, we ought to be becoming more like Him. Yeah, we will have our flaws, but we understand that we do not need to define ourselves by them. He has freed us to live in the fullness of Him. We should learn from our flaws and use them to glorify God by testifying to others how you have experienced victory from a certain flaw that Christ refined. As much as we live in this truth, there are people out there that want to pinpoint your every flaw. Instead of letting them get the victory in that, put up your picket fence. Take a stance, and live in victory of what Christ has begun in you. 

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:" - Phil. 1:6

Do not build that picket fence to isolate yourself from everyone around you. Build this fence around your heart to protect you from the hurt critics will bring into your life. By building this protective barrier, you choose to say no to opening up hurt, assumptions, rejections, and self-doubt. If you are not careful, this cycle of saying yes to critics by not surrounding your heart with a picket fence will eat at you every time critics strike you until one day you are left torn down not living loved by a lovely Savior. You must choose in these moments of building to surround yourself with people who see you living in the Truth of God's goodness in your life. Be authentic. Be real. 

Another hard truth is that critics usually can see how authentic you really are, how real you are with people, how compassionate you are, how loving you are, and how you really do have a genuine relationship with your Lord. No, you do not claim to be perfect, but you claim the perfect plan God has for you. In that, you find you are more than enough in God's tender care. You realize that His love, His insight, and His thoughts concerning your life are enough. You are now free from the rope of rejection, jealousy, pride, and doubt you were once entangled in. This changes you. You now choose to be entangled in Christ's loving arms of comfort, peace, security, (agape) love, and mercy. 

The next time your critics seek to destroy the walls of your heart by stating you are not "cut out" to do something, you are not good enough because _____________, you are too ________,  take a deep look within, humble yourself, and rest assured that you already have that picket fence built. Choose to love instead of react in the moment. Choose to offer grace instead of voicing regrettable words. Choose to offer mercy instead of brimstone judgment. Extend a forgiving spirit (Eph. 4:32), a loving prayer (Matt. 5:44), and a peaceful heart (Rom. 12:18; II Cor. 13:11). Purpose in your heart not to be defined by hurtful side comments that are exposed right among the presence of your friends, by insecurities that they think you have, by remarks of conceit and lies, or by any other hurt you have experienced by your critics. Hurt cuts so deep that it can cause an infection, but determine to bandage that wound up and live in the authority of God's perfect purpose for your life. Remember, there are many who love, appreciate, and need your genuine presence in their lives! 

Living Loved in an Unlovely World

              

Living Loved in an Unlovely World 

            
          Jessica Sunday 

I believe living loved entails a lot, but one thing it requires is utmost honesty. I find it hard in my own life to live loved when around me is an unlovely world that has the mentality of "Every man for himself." Some may like to call it a "Dog eat dog" world. When it all comes down to it, there is a sense that everyone needs to find satisfaction in the next best thing. We need to be better than the next person. We need to give more money to a charity than the next person. So, the vicious cycle continues. As if finding the next best, being better, or giving more than the next person is going to fill that void of living loved. So, people continue to search for love in their career, hobby, relationship, or even the applause of others around them. However, living loved is not defined by these things. We must go a step further and understand what living loved entails. 

Living loved calls us to contentment.  There is nothing more draining than comparing ourselves to others. We try to match up to our perception of somebody else. We may even go so far as to act, dress, or become like the person who we think is by far more __________ than us. Take this time to fill in the blank. Some may fill it in with words such as beautiful, intelligent, skinny, athletic, positive, hilarious, muscular, or wealthy. Without realizing it, we fall victim to living less instead of living loved. Why? We are not called to compare; we are called to contentment  (Phil. 4:11; I Thess.6:6) . The beautiful thing is that we are all blessed in different ways, and we should be content with that. God loves us so much that He calls His sons and daughters  beautiful, chosen, set apart, and very good (Gen. 1:31). When we discredit what we were created to be, we discredit the Master who so carefully formed us in His own image. Once we find peace with contentment, we will be on our way to living loved by a lovely God.

Living loved calls us to acceptance. Currently I am reading a book that I think was written for me. It is entitled, Uninvited: Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely. I highly recommend reading this book. It is shaping me, but this is where the phrase "living loved" spoke to me. So, I continue to brainstorm how I need to live loved in my life. Thus, living loved calls us to acceptance. Sure, it is easy to live loved when everyone else around is loving you, adoring you, complimenting you, and cheering you on. Let alone commenting and liking everything on your social media outlet, right? Then there are other days when living loved is not so easy. We have all heard people say or have perhaps said this ourselves: "It's just one of those days." In the back of our minds we are saying : It's just one of those days where ___________ (Fill in the blank).  One of those days where... people are out to get me, my children are not listening to me, my professor's expectations of me are impossible, my finances are quickly emptying, or how about this one, she must have meant such-and-such by saying it with this face, this tone, and this body language. The truth of the matter is that living loved is not tied to rejection. In essence, when we reject ourselves we live like others are rejecting us as well. That is just not the case. Plus, if that said individual is rejecting you, most likely that person is not living loved themselves. Learn to accept yourself and, accept the fact that the scenarios we create are not accurate. So, once we have acceptance of ourselves and others, we leave no room to be choked out by rejection.

Living loved calls us to joy. Not everything in life is going to make you happy, but it is possible to choose joy in the midst of the craziness. Happiness and joy are two different concepts. Happiness is dependent on the circumstances around you, but joy is defined by the life of an individual who has faith that God is in control. Joy flows out of this person having confidence in her Lord (II Cor. 6:4-10).  She does not let the world steal her joy but rather gives it freely to herself and the ones around her. Choose joy in the midst of trials because those trials may not make you happy because what is happening around you, but that joy will give you overwhelming peace about the situation. Remember, that true peace and joy comes from Christ. When we choose to live loved, we choose joy.

Living loved calls us to honesty. At the beginning of this entry, I mentioned that living loved requires utmost honesty. Not only does it require us to be honest about how we are living loved in contentment, acceptance, and joy, but also it requires us to be honest about believing the truth versus believing the lies. What lies am I talking about? If you are anything like me, it is easy for us to believe the lies of society, Satan, and others. This background noise blasts its speakers into our already confusing, busy, and amazing lives. It blares lies of self-doubt and defeat. There is a lie of not being "cut out" for something. So, we turn up the volume and listen intently when people say ever so loudly - You are not the ________ type (Fill in the blank). You are not the traveling type, you are not the scientific type, and you are definitely not the leadership type. You are not cut out for this line of work. You are not cut out to complete this task. You are just blatantly over your head. We must purpose in our hearts to not just go as far as turning down the volume of such lies. We must decide to turn off the radio. We must turn it to a different station - the station of Truth. I am talking about Jesus because Jesus is truth, and He has a lot to say about who we are and what we are capable of. Jesus says we can do all things through Him (Phil. 4:13). He tells us that if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us our desires (Psalm 37:4). When the world wants to drain you with evil and discouraging words, Christ reminds us that  He does not think evil towards us. He thinks of prospering thoughts of peace toward us (Jer. 29:11). In II Timothy 1:7, Jesus tells us that He does not give us the spirit of fear. He gives us power, love, and a sound mind! We do not have to be afraid of difficult tasks. We have Christ on our side, and that should be sufficient because if Christ is for us, who can be against us? (Rom. 8:31). I want to leave you with this verse in Philippians 4:8 to combat the lies and replace them with truth.

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Let me invite you to live loved in an unlovely world. Together let us live in contentment, acceptance, joy, and honesty of what Christ has called us to. Let us rid ourselves of the comparisons, rejections, and lies. Remember what we are called to instead of living captive to the "unlovely" strongholds in our lives. Let us be known to be living loved by a lovely God.

Transitions & Transformations

                           
    Transitions & Transformations

               Jessica Sunday  

The word that has been coming up in my life recently is "transition." It has even been something that I have been experiencing more than I would like, but it is something that is necessary in the growth of one's life. Each transition you face in life will transform you in some way. A transition will shake you to the core leaving you with an option to tear you down or transform you. As I have been dwelling on this word, I have been thinking of some of the most recent transitions I have faced and ones I am still experiencing now. 

One of my first transitions I want to reflect on is my mission's trip to Nicaragua last summer. This "trip" or should I say, "serving opportunity" was over-the-top; it was nothing short than remarkable. I mean, leaving your comfort zone and the pleasures of America to enter a country that is so destitute, impoverished, and totally third world (at least in some places) is quite the transition. The language barrier is another aspect. Unless you know your Spanish, then you basically need a translator, So, praise the Lord we had quite a few because my Spanish is far from perfect now that I have excelled in my Spanish classes in high school and have not used it. Something as simple as the privilege to flush toilet paper in the toilet here in the States is a blessing because in Nicaragua you put it in the trashcan. You eat beans practically at every meal. You spray abundant amounts of DEET bug repellent all over your body in hopes no mosquitoes suck your blood. Then there are some unfortunate people who fall victim to these dreadful bugs - that was me. Week two of the trip I got extremely ill. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced. Although I would not have traded it for anything since I got to share Christ with these Nicaraguans, it would be a lie if I said I took it like a champ, I was smiling, and I did not miss the States. I longed for America, I was probably cranky, moody, and a pain in the butt to the leaders since they now had to care for this sick girl who probably was not "that" sick. I could have let these transitions of this trip overtake me, but I purposed to adjust to my surroundings. The Dengue Fever on the other hand, well... that was hard to adjust to and quite honestly, I do not think I did, but I most certainly do not take health care in the United States for granted anymore. This is when my transition became my transformation. 

Transition number two: I used to cringe at the sound of the word transition. It just does not sound good. It does not resonate with me. I mean, it means  going from a place of comfort into something that is different - something that is far from normal. This leads me to my next transition - nursing school. Although Dengue Fever was the most painful illness I have experienced, nursing school was probably the most challenging coursework I have ever done. Notice I said "was." I ended up failing out of my second semester of nursing school by two points. Two measly points!   Not only was failing out of nursing school a transition in itself, but also learning how to accustom myself to a different way of thinking - a different mindset. The exams were difficult. Try taking an exam where all the answers are correct, but you have to choose the one that is most correct. That is just cruel - plain and simple. Going from high school to nursing school does not prepare you whatsoever. How do you just shift your way of thinking so fast? You do not. This is something that has to be learned - mostly by yourself. Your professors will give you tips, but you are thrown into learning how to critical think yourself. Ultimately, you are what makes or breaks you. Some would say it broke me to have had failed out, but I think that is when my transformation came. I gave it my best. After one does that, there is not much else you can do. Yes, I can go repeat this semester in January, but am I going to? The answer still lingers in my mind. I just do not know. What I do know is that this transition has sparked a transformation. It taught me so much. It really has. The early morning clinicals taught me self-discipline. The patients taught me life lessons. From appreciating where I come  from to loving people where they are at in their dire circumstances. They can not give back. It is our job to pour everything we have into them. All the knowledge we have gained, all the labs we have practiced in, and all that compassion we possess, they deserve. Nursing has taught me how to critically think. Most importantly, failing out of nursing school has taught me that nursing does not define who I am. 

Have you ever lost someone you loved very much? That was an unnecessary question to ask. We all have. I have not physically lost anyone recently, but my pastor of 20 years has resigned  The church I attend is a thriving church. I would not have seen something like this coming in a million years, but God does not work on my timetable. He works on His. So, when He told my pastor to go, my pastor had (and still has) such a genuine relationship with God to say yes to a greater yes. His last service was this past Sunday. It was bittersweet. This transition that soon turned into a transformation that has taught me the importance of worshiping God and not a man. I mean, come on, if there was ever a major church split because of this, who would these people have been serving? God or man? However, I believe our church is healthy, but now is the time Satan wants to tear the walls of this church down. Prayer is essential. Someone at church tonight said something so encouraging. He said something like it is such a blessing knowing congregations all across the world are praying for our church tonight. I found that very uplifting. Another thing I have learned through this is that you do not truly know how much you loved, appreciated, respected, and admired someone until that person is gone. When this first happened, I was heartbroken, but I trusted that God had bigger plans for him. Maybe I was selfish to because I told God basically at least I have another pastor here that I love so I will still be fine. I will still go to my church, but at least I have this other pastor. God, I do not know what I would do if you took him away from me next. Well, last Thursday the second pastor I admire informed the young adults group that he was leaving to further his pastoral education. My heart sank, tears began to flow (they are even coming back now that I am typing this - sorry this is a new transition), I buried my head, and I could not look at him for the longest time lest the flood gates pour out more than they already were. I thought, God, you got to be kidding me. This is beginning yet another transformation process. So, I am still learning what this one will be, but wouldn't you think I would know how to deal with this transition considering my pastor just resigned? Yeah, I thought so to. All I know now is that the Lord is in the process of transformation in my life. I do not know what all that entails, but I know with Him, He makes all things beautiful. 

My last transition I would like to discuss is my newfound fitness and nutrition journey. I started this journey 18 days ago. I took on the challenge to do the 21 Day Fix, Shakeology, and the workouts that come with it. My current coach has messaged me many times to join her group to try this program, but countless times I refused leaving her with the excuses such as: "I am in nursing school." "I do not have time." "I can not afford it." The list goes on, but pretty soon, I ran out of excuses. The only thing I had left to do was decide. To my favor, I decided on doing something for myself to get my nutrition and fitness in check. I was the only one standing in my way. This is one of the best investments I have made. This transition is definitely the means to my progressive transformation. This new way of eating, exercising, portioning, and strengthening has taught me so much. It has taught me self-discipline in saying no to certain foods and yes to others and to always get my workouts in. There are no excuses. If you do not do something you are supposed to the only person you are cheating is yourself. It has taught me that life happens and how important it is to adjust to the circumstances that befall me. It has shown me what true confidence feels like. Yeah, you will feel great and develop confidence about your body, but that confidence carries far beyond self-confidence. You crave to see that confidence in others. You want to inspire others to take charge of their health. You want to show people that they are capable, worthy, loved, cherished, and beautiful - that they can obtain their greatest aspirations. Decide to use your transitions to transform other peoples lives beyond your own. 

The point is, you may not be able to handle all the transitions that occur in your life, but you can control your response toward them. Will you be shaken by them or successful in them? These transitions we dread so much are here for a reason. These are meant to transform us into stronger, disciplined, brilliant, patient, loving, positive, uplifting, and appreciative people. So, do not be defined by your transition but rather transformed by it.

"This is when my transition became my transformation." 

Dealing With Betrayal: 

When Someone You Thought Couldn't - Did. 

Jessica Sunday 

Have you ever went through something you did not know how to get through, and you just needed a Word from the Savior? I have! I have been there recently. I thought I began a healing process, but I did not know how to heal. I did not know where to start. Of course I wanted God to help me, but I did not have a game plan. I just thought, "Well, whatever I am going through right now will pass eventually." I knew deep down that the pain of betrayal I felt would pass. It would vanish, and I would move on. The issue was still there and without realizing, I was not addressing my problem. I was covering the hurt in empty words such as: I love you. I forgive you. Do not worry about it. I am in a process of healing. It is fine. Although I meant what I said, I was trapped in not knowing how to heal. All I knew is that I need a Word from my Savior in order to heal properly.

Wednesday evening came, and the Lord knew I needed the message my pastor brought forth. He directed us to the passage of John 13. This is the passage of the Last Supper. Jesus gathers with His disciples to teach them a lesson about servant-hood by washing their feet. As the evening continued, Jesus told the disciples that one of them would betray him. Obviously, the disciples wanted to know who would betray Him. Jesus then told His disciples that the person that would betray Him would be  the person who He gave the morsel of bread to after He dipped it. After Jesus gave the sop to Judas, Jesus said, "That thou doest, do quickly." I learned something new that I never realized before. In verse 28 the Bible says, "Now no man at the table knew for what intent (purpose) he spake this unto him." The disciples were so fixated on who would be the greatest among them that they did not even realize what Jesus had told them previously. They overlooked that Jesus had given the sop to Judas. Instead of Jesus exposing Judas' intent to His disciples, He taught them three valuable lessons we can apply to our lives when we experience betrayal.

1. He humbled Himself. Jesus knew that Judas was going to be the one to betray Him, yet He still served Judas by washing his feet. One vital thing my pastor addressed was that Jesus was willing to embrace our filth. He was willing to take on our filth despite knowing that we would betray Him.
"And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." - Philippians 2:8

2. He offered grace extended. Jesus did not try to expose Judas' betrayal after the disciples missed it. Do not air someone's dirty laundry around. We all fail. We need to demonstrate grace. My pastor continued to teach his congregation that without humility and grace we cannot love people.

3. He loved people despite of betrayal. Instead of focusing on the betrayal, Jesus saw the betrayal as the glory to come (John 13: 31-32). Love people that do not deserve your love back. Love the unlovely. My pastor concluded that loving people is the greatest testimony that we have learned the valuable lesson of getting over betrayal.

Is your spirit troubled from being betrayed? Did someone wrong you that you never thought would - but did? The first step of the healing process is to humble yourself despite of the hurt you are experiencing. Secondly, extend grace, and you will be surprised with humility and grace how much you will be able to love that person like Christ loves that person. Finally, you will be free and experience the healing that only comes from Jesus Christ.

A Bottle Full of Sorrow

                
      A Bottle Full of Sorrow 

          Jessica Sunday

My heart has been heavy lately for the people who are hurting around me as well as some emotions that are hitting me - emotions that I am not used to feeling. As I look around, there are family, friends, co-workers, and strangers who are full of hurt. Maybe you are there or maybe you are the one causing the hurt. Maybe you do not realize you are hurting, maybe you are brave enough to admit you feel a deep hurt, or maybe pride keeps you from seeing you are the cause. One thing is for certain and that is that self evaluation is necessary. Examine your heart to see what category you belong. This is when true healing is restored. 

Have you ever had someone you love so much take a step or perhaps ten steps in the wrong direction? This could range anywhere from turning their back on God, falling into addiction, fixating on pornography, compromising their purity, not managing their health, or fill in the blank. It could be a parent belittling you making you feel worthless, a sibling that wants nothing more than to see you fail, or a co-worker who cannot wait to see the flaws you possess. Or maybe you have had a friend who has drifted a part or who asks everyone how you are doing without asking you directly? Maybe the friend you thought would never betray you has in some small way. Or maybe your relationship just took a turn for the worst. If you have watched someone go through one of these situations or this is happening to you right now, remember, it is okay to be experiencing a heavy heart. 

I am experiencing some of these hurts in my own life. Of course it is never easy, but I know I will get past these hurts. Life goes on - it never stops for anyone. But there is something that captured my heart tonight as I am sitting here quiet with an IV pump playing the background music of the early morning. It is this: Jesus sees my heavy heart, and He even catches each tear drop. I am so blessed to know the Man who collects each tear that drops. Granite, I have not cried, but it is comforting to know Jesus does care about my hurt. Psalm 56:8 says, "Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?" Christ captures my tears! Is it not reassuring to know that He catches yours too? 

Although having a heavy heart in the midst of these circumstances is very human, we must determine not to be ruled by the hurt. It is easy to make excuses, cast blame, demonstrate pity, or neglect yourself or others when you reach a low; however, we need to purpose in our hearts to surrender our tears over to the One who holds our hearts - the One who gives us the air we breathe to fill our lungs. He is the One who allows our heart to pump. The One who allows the blood to run through our veins. So, do not bottle your emotions inside, but rather decide to hand them over to be bottle and written down. This is when true healing comes. 

God is not blind to what you are facing or what challenges await you. He knows. He cares. He loves you with an unconditional love - a love so incomprehensible. He has a plan for you, and He is ready for you to find healing through Him - not your own remedy. Are you ready to experience the healing that is found through Christ? He is ready to bring restoration. He will catch your tears drop-by-drop and seal it in His bottle He has chosen specifically for you. 

"Thou tellest my wanderings: put thou my tears into thy bottle: are they not in thy book?"  

- Psalm 56:8