But God

 

BUT GOD

      Jessica Sunday  

It's been 5 years since becoming a Registered Nurse. I still remember telling God that I would never go into cardiac nursing as a specialty.  Boy, did I learn. 

When I graduated nursing school and passed my NCLEX, guess what specialty was the only floor hiring at my hospital? Six submitted applications later, I began my journey for 2 years on a cardiac floor. Yes, my persistence paid off in human resources I suppose, and God placed me right in the center of His will -out of my comfort zone. 

As I continued in my profession those 2 years, I felt like God was leading me into travel nursing. Although I almost became complacent towards that, God had things fall apart so that I would begin travel nursing. So I began at the end of 2020. I did not know where I would go, but as I followed open doors God began to teach me to rely on Him. 

It took me leaving my home town and everyone I knew to really get to know my God. It has not been easy. Even while traveling, I have gone my own way at times. In those times, He has never failed me. He pulls me closer, and He sees me. He loves me with a love that I will never understand.  

After traveling mostly med-surg for awhile, God placed me back to my roots. I am now working on a cardiac intermediate unit. Not in my strength but His. I am excited to be back doing a specialty I've grown to love. I am reflecting now if He has placed me here once again to continue to teach me to continue to walk in faith with Him even when things seem to fall apart so that His better will can fall into place. 

BUT GOD loves me.

BUT GOD makes a way. 

BUT GOD never gives up on me no matter how ugly I can be. 

BUT GOD chooses me over and over again. 

BUT GOD wants my heart and relationship with Him. 

BUT GOD. 

"But now, O Lord, You are our Father; We are the clay, and You our potter; And all we are the work of Your hand."

Isaiah 64:8 

 

God's Why is Greater

God's Why is Greater

Jessica Sunday 

I haven't written a blog post in quite some time. I guess today is the day I start again with trying to be faithful to my blog entries. I'm typing this as I sit in a Kia dealership in Greenville, NC.  I can only splurge snacks so much in my waiting. I am on my second coffee though.  

Today, after my Sam's Club run, my car wouldn't start. Well, that wasn't good enough for me so I turned the key a few times and it eventually worked. Pumped gas and it turned right back on after. I arrived home safetly; however,  right before pulling out of the driveway to head to enjoy the beach on this 86 degree day, my vehicle would not start. Not again I thought. 

Thank God for AAA. They were able to tow me. It ended up being my starter. 

I guess I'm writing this entry because God is always good. Yes, even in the chaos and plans that are diverted. Yesterday, I drove my 9.5 hrs back to NC from PA. I decided to return a day early in case of rain on the forecast. At least that was MY why.

Now I know God's why. 

I am thankful I did not have an issue with my vehicle on the interstate yesterday or perhaps I could have woke up for nightshift tomorrow not being able to start my vehicle before work. That would have been a headache. I was told that my starter would not be able to be fixed until tomorrow but then- God. Then God made a way and diverted that plan to. And here I wait gulping my second coffee reflecting on God's goodness.

 Thank You for diverted plans and for showing me Your why(s) instead of my own. You are a faithful Father. I am so glad I can trust You. 

Thank You for my broken why's and for Your greater why's.  Your greater good. Your provision! 

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths."

Proverbs 3:5‭-‬6 NKJV

Chronicles of a Travel Nurse

 

Chronicles of a Travel Nurse

Jessica Sunday

First destination 📍Wilmington, NC. 

I am so beyond blessed that in October of 2020 I accepted my first travel nurse assignment after gaining 2 years of cardiac nursing experience. What a great ending to my birthday month after having some struggles in September. Looking back, the struggles that happened were necessary for this very moment. When your life is shaken, you can choose to let it get you down or you can rise and determine to make that one dream you have happen. 

If I can give you one word of advice going into 2021, I would tell you not to wait your whole life to make your goal happen. Speak it into existence, then shift your moves to make it happen. You can do it. You are strong. My coworkers and manager knew a year ago that I wanted to pursue travel nursing but that I was determined to get my experience first. When I finally gave my 2 weeks notice at a facility I had been at for 5 years, I knew it was going to be far from easy to leave a group of coworkers that were phenomenal to work with. Many of which invested into my learning and clinical skills. The weeks leading up to when I was going to leave were the rockiest. Some people tried to talk me out of going as others said I wasn't thinking rationally for doing this because of a relationship fall-out. Little did they know, I had made it a goal of  mine to become a travel nurse all through nursing school and vowed I would never become a cardiac nurse. Well, that happened. 

I even came to a point in my life that I thought having great goals did not always mean we had to achieve them. As that may be true, I would also say never to limit yourself in the passions you have. I went from working two 12 hour shifts and two 8 eight hour shifts per week with some of the scheduling stacking up and running the end of one week working into the next week working now to working three 12 hour shifts per week with a lot more breathing room. This allows me the time to enjoy the life around me while adventuring new locations and focusing on my other business I am passionate about. 

As I am still in the beginning of this new journey, I will have a lot more to say as my adventures live on. So far the hospital staff is so courteous toward their travelers, the feeling of burnout has left my system, the scheduling process is great, the weather is gorgeous, and the beaches are beautiful. There are more friends to be made, more prayers to be prayed, and more people to bless. 

The strength of a travel nurse comes from  the motivation to protect more than one city. For me, that started during a pandemic. Don't let your fears of failing or crossing the unknowns stop you from turning your dream into your reality today. 

Are Masks Really Protecting us or Just Controlling us?

Are Masks Really Protecting us or Just Controlling us? 

Jessica Sunday

I cannot sit in silence as I am one of many healthcare workers who are facing this pandemic together. As we link arms with our fellow colleagues , we realize we are our own support system. What can we say though other than that the healthcare system is in desperate need of revision. Please do not misconstrue my beliefs and take on Covid-19 as an insult to the healthcare system that I wake each morning to help those in need. I have a calling, and that calling is to care for the sick, advocate for the weak, and to offer peace in the process. 

My conscience, however, will not allow me to continue to feel like I am making an impact as long as I am sitting silent in the corruption as I see my fellow Americans being controlled. 

I have always had a passion to stand up for my beliefs and use my voice as well as my blog to encourage others to use their voice as well.

I would like to begin by stating that I do not doubt the serious effects Covid-19 has had on people's health as it continues to rear its nasty head and continue to take peoples' lives. I have gotten pulled to work on a Covid unit during this pandemic, and there is an eery feeling as you walk on that unit. We have our PAPRS that protect us against the particles of this disease. 

What some people do not understand is that simple surgical masks do anything but filter the particles of Covid-19. So, basically all you are accomplishing is retaining your own CO2, wearing some paper on your face, as the particles flow through your mask. In essence, it is like you are not wearing anything at all to protect yourself. Furthermore, these were never designed for 8 to 12 hour shifts. Healthcare professionals know the truths about this, yet as long as the CDC continues to instruct us to enforce this, we will be wearing these masks until Lord knows when. As long as they say these are safe, we do not need to be given N95s or a PAPR for all staff's safety. People would think it would be crazy expensive to ensure such a safe unit would be costly for all to utilize, but what is expensive is wearing surgical masks that do not filter the disease and spread it throughout hospitals causing more exposed staff, illness, and deaths. The whole picture is what is important to look at. 

Our beliefs about this issue may differ, and that is okay. I am writing today to educate, advocate, and to clear my conscience of remaining silent about the information I know. As I take a turn in my approach to this, I realize that the comparison may be drastic but so is corruption that the government is abusing.

There are many people who believe abortion is 100% okay and their conscience is totally clear. If that is you, you have that freedom. It does not necessarily mean it is a moral act of life, but it is your right in this country right now. So be it. Many people who argue this say it is the woman's body and so the baby is left not advocated for, neglected, and killed all because of the woman's choice of what happens to her body. I am a woman, and as much as I like to have have control of situations, you realize really quick that some situations are not able to be controlled. 

 So, I beg to ask what the difference is between having a choice between aborting a baby and not wearing a mask? I mean, is it not our choice or our body in not wearing a piece of paper on our face? Would you say that it is necessary because of how the disease is contagious to others and would affect their health? With or without a mask, the disease will still travel.The disease is still on surfaces, and still remains in the air for quite awhile. If that is your argument between comparing the two, I might also add what a heartbeat in the womb is compared to a heartbeat of the new infant you hold in your arms? Are you really holding life in your arms? Does it dependent on where the baby is located to be considered to have a beating heart (which is a sign of life might I add)- in the womb or in your arms? 

 

So, it is then that as long as we remain silent, lives will be lost when there are not proper equipment  or morals in place for the citizens. Lives will continue to be lost through means of Covid-19, human trafficking, and abortions as well as other horrible tragedies. To the people who suffer from COPD, asthma, anxiety, etc. walking into stores or those who are working at healthcare facilities, this can speed up these chronic diseases in us as well.

I ask you, to yes, be respectful and courteous as you are out and about ensuring that other people may not want you closer than 6 feet, prefer to wear a mask, not hug, etc. But for the love of God, can we choose whether we wear the paper masks? You are not helping those who have chronic diseases that can take their lives as well. You are not being honest that the surgical masks do not filter these particles. Can we stop with the corruption, and continue to live our lives? We cannot live our lives in fear for the rest of 2020 let alone 2021 ....

Don't think this is being blown out of proportion? Now children need to wear these during school this fall. Their bodies are not made to have these masks on like this. If they are social distancing in school, please tell me how the busing situation will go? Please tell me how we can still have multiple people in the elevator and continue to be required to social distance at our lunches. Please tell me how  saran wrapping a credit card machine is protecting the stop of germs when that same machine is not being wiped down or changed between uses.  Please tell me how double standards of care is acceptable. 

Please tell me. 

 

Breaking the Stigma

Breaking the Stigma

Jessica Sunday

Honestly, I don't know when I will feel brave enough to share this blog post with the public, but I know my blog has reached people because it comes from a genuine heart of authenticity. With that, it is not the easiest thing to be vulnerable; however, I realize the importance of being real so that it can be a help and benefit to others. 

It was a long time coming, but I finally reached out for help. I had scheduled a doctor's appointment for something that was going on physically with my body, and I started to shatter... I broke down in tears in the office. I was at a point of vulnerability. I sobbed. I opened up. I was honest. I had a coming to Jesus moment in my life. We all know our mental health can affect our physical well-being, but who really likes to admit that they have mental struggles? All I know is that my hand would stay down if I was asked this in a crowd of people. Most people do not like to admit those things. 

I was told that day in the office that I had Major Depressive Disorder. That sunk deep. You see, I always knew there was something wrong. To make myself feel better, I called those moments of lows in my life "ruts" because I surely did not have depression. Not me, I thought! I always try to encourage others. I love sharing smiles and giving embracing hugs to people. Small acts of kindness for others is one of my hobbies, I suppose. Singing in worship at my church lifts my heart. Being a cardiac nurse is one of my purposes here and now. Really, Jess ... why? 

I finally heard those words that I had in the back of my mind for awhile. It was a lot to take in, but it was such a freeing experience. On top of that, I felt heard. I was not written off. Someone took the time to talk with me and discuss options. It took a lot of courage for me to finally seek help - to have finally come to my breaking point. I am not sure what exactly that "breaking point" was for me, but I am glad I broke down in that office that day. 

As a healthcare worker, I felt embarrassed of myself that I needed help. I am in the business of helping others. Actually, I always loved helping others. Now, I just get to do it on the daily for my career. It really is a beautiful thing. Because I help others, I had a hard time coming to grips that I needed help myself. I am okay if others deal with this. I will not judge because I loved working in mental health before I became a cardiac nurse. Maybe I have this mantra that healthcare workers are protected from all diseases because they deal with the angel of death for their patients. I know that sounds unrealistic because it is unrealistic. So, maybe there is someone out there that has depression or a different mental illness who is reading this or perhaps there is someone out there reading this that needs to come forward and have a heart-to-heart with their doctor. Whatever the case, I pray that sharing this helps break the stigma of mental health. I am not depression; I have depression. 

Remember, it is okay not to be okay. 

P.S. These were photos from the day I found out. 

"Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

I Peter 5:7

Guard Your Heart

Guard Your Heart

Jessica Sunday

Guarding your heart is sometimes the hardest thing to do at least for people who are of the nurturing and caring personality. People who love to pour themselves into opportunities and those around them freely without holding anything back are often the ones who have a difficult time abiding by a familiar verse found in Proverbs instructing us to guard our hearts. 

I will be the first one to admit that I have not made it an absolute priority to protect my heart over the years which left me feeling heartbroken, distraught, anxious, and worthless. Basically it left me with all the thoughts that Satan wants us to be thinking about in order to hinder our work from the Lord. That is a very dangerous place to be. 

We are instructed to guard our hearts with diligence because out of our heart comes the issues of life. Such issues could mean the dysfunction life brings, the grief we bear, the confrontations of others, the manipulative relationships, the insecure job, the loss we encounter, or the insecurities we have that circumstances have molded in us. Those are just some of the issues of life that come to my mind. I am sure you could name a thing or few of the issues of life that have really hit you. 

Your Heavenly Father says this to protect you from hurt and from heartache. Although not all hurt is unavoidable, there are ways we can remain guarded. Here are some ways to guard yourself in a relationship or the next opportunity that comes knocking at your door. 

1. Pray -  Pledge to pray for the specifics of a situation, person, or opportunity to see if it is of God for your life. 
2. Act - There is no doubt that this point can go one of two ways. One may decide to act by doing a kind thing for another person or by taking the next step in an opportunity. Some people may know that a certain person is not good company and brings out feelings of hurt for you. This may entail someone to not engage with that person so that it protects their heart. 
3. Reserve - Be reserved in sharing areas of your life unitl you have complete confidence that the person you are talking to is trustworthy in deep matters. 
4. Forgive - Please forgive the people in your past for making you feel insecure, worthless, anxious, or distraught. As much as guarding your heart is necessary, keeping mile high walls up to "protect" yourself based off of past hurt is not fair to the circumstance or person you are talking to. 

When you leave your heart unprotected, you leave room for thoughts of defeat, unworthiness, self-pity, anxiety, and insecurities to brew. These thoughts that are based off of a past experience can carry roadblocks in your next relationship or opportunities. Because of the hurt that was experienced, the mantra of building walls come into play. Guarding your heart and building up mile long walls are two very different things. By allowing walls to be built by past hurt, hurt that the current person you are speaking to did not cause, you block the relationship from growing. How you may be thinking? When someone who is building walls feels themselves getting vulnerable, they pull back. Or it may be when the person you are talking to offers you a word of encouragement, you doubt or question them due to past hurt that others have caused. You might even have thoughts of I heard that before. 

This mindset is completely unfair to offer someone. Instead of enjoying getting to know someone and growing together, either one of you or both of you are competing to see who places the next piece of the wall instead of helping each other break down the walls of past hurt together in order to grow closer together from the ground up. 

So, my encouragement to anyone reading this today is guard your heart with diligence, but break down the barriers that block you from the blessing standing right in front of you. 

"Keep your heart with all diligence, 

For out of it spring the issues of life."

Proverbs 4:23

First Year as an R.N. 

The Triumphs and Defeats 

Jessica Sunday 

September 5, 2019, was the anniversary of my first full year working as a Registered Nurse on a cardiac unit. It is hard to believe that a year has come and gone in my first nursing job. I have grown so much during this year. I have been stretched in ways I never thought possible. I did not make it this far in my own strength, but God's strength and wisdom. The ironic thing is, God places us in situations sometimes that we tell Him that we do not want to do or maybe we just do not have faith in what He can do through us. 

Many years ago I thought God wanted me to be an elementary school teacher so I vowed never to pursue healthcare, but God flipped the script of what I thought He wanted me to do two months before graduating high school. Then, when I was in nursing school covering the cardiac section of the semester, I said the last nurse I would be was a cardiac nurse. That seems like it is way too much or way too hard for me to do. 

Fast forward a little bit. That was the first and only nursing job that I had in my first year of nursing, and I was right back then. It is hard, but it is not impossible to learn how to be an avid cardiac nurse. 

Looking back from where I have come this past year, makes me eager to see what plans God has for me in the future of nursing. I have grown so much in my clinical skills as a nurse that I am more confident each day I go to work. The confidence I feel is not an arrogant confidence but rather a confidence in knowing what I am doing to help my patients. No nurse will know exactly everything, but those who want to see you grow, learn, and succeed will always be a source of guidance. 

With great triumphs, come defeats in this profession. There was a period this year that I felt extremely burnt out as a new nurse. Feeling burnt out is hard and not good for your health. It wears one down. Burn out comes and goes. Perhaps you have dealt with burnout in your profession. When I felt like I could not tolerate feeling like that, I took a weekend trip that seemed to help. I think it is important to get away if one is feeling burnt out wherever they are. 

Loss is hard as a nurse which I think can definitely attribute to nurse burn out as well as under appreciation does. What people often do not realize is all the behind the scene work nurses actually do. Caregiver role strain is a cause which usually means a family member takes care of their loved one who may be in the hospital, but I believe healthcare professionals can experience this role strain as we care for people day in and day out. 

As hard as nursing truly is, I would not want to do anything else as a career. It can be extremely rewarding. Nurses see things that we wish nobody will ever see, but we also see things that make our whole shift worthwhile, and we try not to take those things for granted. I believe God may stretch me in different ways in this career as He already has in having me start out in telemetry. I cannot wait to see where He takes me in nursing. 

Here's to another year of nursing, and the lives I get to touch and the lives that touch mine!