When You Let Your Perfectionism
Define Who You Are
by Jessica Sunday
The truth is, I know I am not perfect, yet I have a tendency to label myself as a perfectionist. If you have known me for any length of time, I am sure you have seen this characteristic evident in my life. Ask my friends I graduated with, and they would be the first to attest that I am. I always thought being a perfectionist was a good thing, but lately, I think it is more of a curse. Nursing school has helped start tearing down the walls of perfectionism, but sometimes it creeps back in. Actually, it has recently, and I would like to share how.
About three weeks ago, I got my maternity exam grade back, and instead of accepting people's "congratulations," I was quick to let them know I could have done better. Of course I thanked them for their prayers, but in the back of my mind, my score was not good enough to me. No, I needed more cushion before I entered the next six weeks of the medical surgical material. Afterall, I prepared the best I could for this exam and prayer was all around it. So, why would I not score higher? Had I forgotten that I committed this exam over to God earlier that morning?
This perfectionism that crept in that day robbed me of fully trusting God in surrender of what I thought I prayed for earlier. I let this perfectionism, my score, define who I was, and lastly, I let pride take residence in my heart. Instead of quickly thanking God for allowing me to miss the exact amount of points I needed to miss to pass, I allowed the Giant of Perfectionism whisper that I was not good enough or smart enough. Furthermore, I set a goal that if I passed my exam I would get my hair done over spring break, but I had second thoughts when my passing grade did not match what I had anticipated.
People who are "perfectionists" can agree that it is an endless vicious cycle of trying to be flawless. We do not want to be vulnerable in our weaknesses, especially in nursing school. Too much is on the line. Yes, we learn from our mistakes, but we have a hard time accepting other's encouragement when we fall short of our goals. For the perfectionists out there, this is unhealthy to cultivate in our lives. May we learn to speak words of affirmation into our lives. May we live in the Lord's strength day-by-day. May we thank the people who encourage us because we really do need it. To the people out there who have encouraged me or my other fellow perfectionists, "Sorry for not always being the best at accepting your encouragement or congratulations. I am a working progress ready and capable of tearing my walls of perfectionism." I am ready to throw this perfectionism away for a greater purpose because in my weakness, He is made strong. He will equip me for what I am called to do. He will help me replace perfectionism with affirmations, prayers, purpose, faith, and reflection. A reflection of what? A reflection of His glory. So, my last words I would say are: Out with perfectionism and in with purpose.
"And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee:
for my strength is made perfect in weakness. ..."
- II Cor. 12: 9
