Beautifully Broken

Beautifully Broken 

Jessica Sunday 

I look at the title I just gave this blog post, and I am not quite sure myself how something can be beautifully broken. I think it is one of those things where you may be completely broken now and in the process of becoming beautifully broken. If that is the case, I am there right now. This post is going to put my brokenness, vulnerabilities, doubts, fears, cares, and tears smothered on my sleeve. I often think it is better to use one's brokenness for the betterment of someone else. When you share your brokenness sometimes other people's brokenness heals, sometimes perspective is placed back into focus, and often times it acts as a healing for your own soul. 

Recently, I did the hardest thing I was ever asked to do. Usually God tells me I can go on mission trips, or He has me walking through open doors. He does not usually tell me that a door is going to close in my life or even to surrender something to Him. I guess I never really knew how hard it was to obey God when quite honestly, I just did not want to obey Him. I mean, He was crazy! He was asking me to give something in my life over to Him. There you have it. I did not want to obey the One who holds my life in His hands, the One who knows my future, the One who can heal the brokenhearted - I did not want to obey Him. So, for my days of reflecting, prayer, seeking godly counsel, and reading God's Word, I was battling between the flesh and the Spirit - my desires and God's desires - my wants but God's needs for my life - my good but God's greater good. It was messy. I had everything I needed staring in my face to obey God, yet I was in denial and trying to justify why it could continue. Tell me I am not alone in this. 

The short version of this messy journey was that God was asking me to surrender my relationship over to Him. God, why are you asking me to give you my first ever relationship? You know it only took me 22 years to go on my first date. Why are You taking something from me that I would fight over-and-over to have? God, I do not understand! The honest reality was that I allowed myself to stay in denial of what He was asking me to do until I realized the beauty in obeying God. You do not always know God's best for your life even though you would like to believe you do. You do not see the whole portrait of what God has for your life, but He does. Sometimes you see what He wants you to see (like the portrait above). I have to trust that through this brokenness God will make things beautiful. God, I do not understand. I surrendered my relationship, and the man I care about does not even want to be my friend. God, you can take my relationship away, but You knew that the friendship would be broken. So, why, God would you make me suffer like this? You know how much friendships mean to me!  I have to trust that one day God will make a beautiful tapestry of my life and mend together a friendship that I had with this amazing person. 

Can I leave you with this? God may want to stretch you in ways that are uncomfortable and quite honestly in ways that you want to block out His voice. That, my friend, is very dangerous. He may be asking you to surrender something in your life right now. It might be a relationship, a career, a ministry, or that something that you would do anything for not to let go of. When you seek God, He will show you what you need to see, and He may ask you to surrender everything you ever wanted. Are you willing? You are not alone. After this occurs, He will send you confirmation that you have made the right decision. Sometimes it will be slow and other times that confirmation comes fast. In my case, that confirmation came fast. Even though I had confirmation, I began to doubt again. As if that confirmation was not clear, God sent me confirmation through all the Sunday services and special music yesterday. Brokenness is hard, but God is so God. He has plans for our lives that we may not understand now, but He will reveal in His time. Obeying God is not always easy, but it is the safest thing you can do. I believe that I serve a God of restoration, and if He mends this one day, great. If not, He is still good, and that is okay to. A sign of true surrender is when you can say, "Not my will, but thy will be done." It is surrender when you can look into his eyes and say, "I would have never traded this brokenness if that meant you would come to Jesus Christ." It is surrender when you can be fine one day but flooded in your tears the next because surrendering is not easy, but God will see you through. I need to be content with that. 

"He healeth the broken in heart, and bindeth up their wounds."

Psalm 147: 3

Peru Medical Missions Trip

Peru Medical Missions Trip 

Jessica Sunday 

Almost three years ago I embarked on my first mission's trip to Nicaragua. This trip of serving and experiencing the poverty of a foreign land stretched me in a way that is quite hard to explain. Many call my generation "entitled." I agree with this statement; however, I never want to be labeled as such a derogatory term. I would much rather want to be known as a person being "poured out." I love Jesus! I am not ashamed to say that. He has given me the the gift of salvation, and I want to use everything He has blessed me with in service to Him. Missions is just one way I love to exercise my faith in Him. 

To be honest, I did not think I wanted to go on a mission's trip this summer because the mission's trip to Nicaragua cost me my health. I got very sick and got diagnosed with Dengue Fever. It was the most excruciating pain I have ever felt, and I was still sick as I started my first year of nursing classes. So, I did not want to risk going on a missions trip this summer and being ill before I start my last year of nursing. That would not be cool at all. God began to work through a group of young people from Uganda who visited my church a few weeks ago. As some from this group sat in front of me in evening service and as I heard them the following day singing, I just knew God was placing a desire to embark on a medical missions trip. A medical missions trip would enhance my nursing skills in a foreign setting and make me a diverse nurse in the future having been given the opportunity to serve over seas. 

The medical missions trip is based out of Tarapoto, Peru where the medical team will be travelling to different villages seeing roughly 500 patients daily. The dates are August 11-18, and the clinics will consist of registration, vital signs, exam/minor surgery, pharmacy, de-worming, eye-glasses, and evangelism. As you can see, this is going to be a very busy trip with much work entailed. I will be travelling with people I have never met to a place I have never gone and spending a whole week with them. Someone once said great things never come from comfort zones. I believe this to be true from past experiences. You go on trips like these to be a blessing, but you are the one who returns blessed beyond measure. I want my comfort zones to be stretched, my faith increased, my nursing skills enhanced,  and my life to be poured out for Christ. 

I am asking you to partner with me in prayer as I get ready to go on my first medical mission's trip. Please pray for the people of Peru that their hearts would be open to Jesus Christ, the medical team to bond well and treat the patients to the best of their abilities, for my health to be covered by the hands of Christ, and for the financial need I have for this trip. The lady I am in contact with will be sending my scholarship request to their committee, but right now my financial need is $2,614. Please pray that the Lord would supply my needs for this trip. I thank you in advance for partnering with me in prayer, and if the Lord lays it on your heart to help me financially, I appreciate your giving. 

To give a financial contribution, give here: paypal.me/MedicalMissionsPeru

Thank you for helping me get to my first medical mission's trip to Peru!

P.S. Current need: $1,307 plus my necessary vaccines ! 

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." -Isaiah 6:8 

When You Let Your Perfectionism Define Who You Are

When You Let Your Perfectionism 

Define Who You Are

by Jessica Sunday 

The truth is, I know I am not perfect, yet I have a tendency to label myself as a perfectionist. If you have known me for any length of time,  I am sure you have seen this characteristic evident in my life. Ask my friends I graduated with, and they would be the first to attest that I am. I always thought being a perfectionist was a good thing, but lately, I think it is more of a curse. Nursing school has helped start tearing down the walls of perfectionism, but sometimes it creeps back in. Actually, it has recently, and I would like to share how. 

About three weeks ago, I got my maternity exam grade back, and instead of accepting people's "congratulations," I was quick to let them know I could have done better. Of course I thanked them for their prayers, but in the back of my mind, my score was not good enough to me. No, I needed more cushion before I entered the next six weeks of the medical surgical material. Afterall, I prepared the best I could for this exam and prayer was all around it. So, why would I not score higher? Had I forgotten that I committed this exam over to God earlier that morning? 

This perfectionism that crept in that day robbed me of fully trusting God in surrender of what I thought I prayed for earlier. I let this perfectionism, my score, define who I was, and lastly, I let pride take residence in my heart. Instead of quickly thanking God for allowing me to miss the exact amount of points I needed to miss to pass, I allowed the Giant of Perfectionism whisper that I was not good enough or smart enough. Furthermore, I set a goal that if I passed my exam I would get my hair done over spring break, but I had second thoughts when my passing grade did not match what I had anticipated. 

People who are "perfectionists" can agree that it is an endless vicious cycle of trying to be flawless. We do not want to be vulnerable in our weaknesses, especially in nursing school. Too much is on the line. Yes, we learn from our mistakes, but we have a hard time accepting other's encouragement when we fall short of our goals. For the perfectionists out there, this is unhealthy to cultivate in our lives. May we learn to speak words of affirmation into our lives. May we live in the Lord's strength day-by-day. May we thank the people who encourage us because we really do need it. To the people out there who have encouraged me or my other fellow perfectionists, "Sorry for not always being the best at accepting your encouragement or congratulations. I am a working progress ready and capable of tearing my walls of perfectionism." I am ready to throw this perfectionism away for a greater purpose because in my weakness, He is made strong. He will equip me for what I am called to do. He will help me replace perfectionism with affirmations, prayers, purpose, faith, and reflection. A reflection of what? A reflection of His glory. So, my last words I would say are: Out with perfectionism and in with purpose. 

"And he said unto me, "My grace is sufficient for thee: 

for my strength is made perfect in weakness. ..."

 - II Cor. 12: 9 

The Purpose in Repetition

The Purpose in Repetition 

by Jessica Sunday 

I do not know about you, but repeating things is not something I am inclined to doing. Unless, of course, it is repeating an unforgettable trip. There are usually three main reasons as to why we do not like to repeat things. Repeating things often requires more time, money, and energy. Being a college student, I get depleted of those things quickly. Nonetheless, I found myself searching for the purpose of repetition. Repetition may not be what we had planned in our journey, but it is often necessary. Here's my story. 

In the fall of 2016 I started off on a journey that would require much dedication, energy, patience, and every ounce of motivation to keep me going. This journey would require God's strength, many prayers, coffee, and sanity. Yes, this was the beginning of nursing school as we know it. Finals came quickly, and I passed my first semester. It was an exhilarating feeling! Then, Christmas break passed, and it was the beginning of the second semester. This semester was fast paced, exhausting, and was literally the monster I imagined as a little girl I hide from under my bed. There are no nice words to insert here other than that I failed this semester by two points. 

I got over this disappointment in time, and I found myself rerouting the journey I had already mapped out. However, instead of my GPS saying, "You have reached your destination," it read, "Detour ahead." Now what? What was I supposed to tell all the people cheering me on in support of my dreams? Was I a disappointment now? Time passed, and I began to encounter people at church as well as other places in my life. People I did not even know knew that I was in nursing school came up to me saying, "Aren't you the girl in nursing school"? "I'm praying for you." "When do you graduate"? All I wanted to do in that moment was hide under a rock. The only words I could utter were the basic answers to those questions. Yes, I am in nursing school. Thank you so much for your prayers, and I was supposed to graduate next year but instead I have to repeat my second semester of nursing school. 

So, how can someone who has invested so much of her time, energy, and money find purpose in repetition? Yeah, you guessed it! I am repeating my second semester of nursing school this semester! It is not an easy adjustment for me at all. I am repeating all of the long clinical days, the lack of sleep, the lectures, the labs, the rising stress levels, the coffee IV's (my nurse brothers and sisters will know what I mean), and the projects. This would have been the year I graduated, but  God saw fit to send me on a detour. And you know what? That is just fine. Why? because His ways are higher than my ways. He holds my future, and He is so graciously teaching me things through this process. There are things that have already happened this semester that I would have not otherwise gotten to experience had I not repeated. I had the privilege of going to Children's Hospital something we did not do last year. I have a new clinical group I would have never met had I not repeated. This group is my new family that I pray I can be a blessing to as we serve others on our clinical. I will encounter new patients that may need my loving touch that I would have not otherwise met. You see, the detours life takes you on is not always fun. There are some bumps, curves, and even some potholes on the road, but in those times of construction, are the times where you will be stretched. When I got my focus off of myself in the why I have to repeat, that is when I found the why I get to repeat. I get to repeat to gain more knowledge, understanding, and grasp of the material; however, I also get to repeat to reach more people I would have not otherwise been able to reach. 

Have you been struggling with finding your purpose in repetition? Life is full of turns and sometimes it leaves us fearful and unsure. Remember, we are not called to fear. We are called to trust in God's plan for our lives, and if that means Him leading us on a detour, that is perfectly fine. Find the purpose in repetition because maybe someone needs you or maybe someone needs to see the light within you. I would like to come alongside you if you are feeling discouraged, weak, depressed, sad, broken, or hurt. I would like to pray for you and get to know you. Let me encourage you to send me an email or a message so I can do that for you. May this be a blessing to someone today. 

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." - Isaiah 55:8 

My 2017 Commitment to Myself

My 2017 Commitment to Myself 

Jessica Sunday

1. I will strive to have a closer relationship with the Lord.
2. I will passionately pursue the career the Lord wants me in.
3. I will give nursing a second chance, and I will work hard at it.
4. I will limit distractions.
5. I will save financially.
6. I will travel more, and embrace new opportunities.
7. I will not be bound by other’s expectations of me. I am relentless.
8. I will purposefully plan my days.
9. I will wake up early.
10. I will be a motivator and share words of encouragement.
11. I will build others up while I build my empire of success.
12. I will crush health and nutrition goals.
13. I will be the best coach and mentor I can be.
14. I will not listen to the lies of the Enemy.
15. I will live an abundant life.
16. I will know my worth.
17. I will not settle for someone who is not spiritually compatible for me.
18. I will be satisfied single, and if God wills a relationship this year, I will not be scared.
19. I will learn to say no to people.
20. I will continue to give wholeheartedly at my job.
21. I will choose to love the unlovely.
22. I will not be confined to my environment. I will branch out. I will be bold. I will say goodbye to my comfort zone.
23. I will not be intimidated by people’s rejections they speak to me.
24. I will not allow those words to penetrate my heart. I will walk away and immediately give them over to my Heavenly Father.
25. I will set the pace.
26. I will work behind the scenes in order to set the stage.
27. I will reach more people through this blog.
28. I will begin writing a devotional book.
29. I will go back to Israel, and find a way to work with cufi this summer.
30. I will aim high and speak affirmations to myself daily.
31. I will pray before I slay my day.
32. I will own my days.
33. I will not be overcome with setbacks.
34. I will not allow failure to disappoint me for it is only failure if you give up and didn’t try.
35. I will not allow nursing to define who I am.
36. I will not allow people to walk over me.
37. I will not succumb to the low levels of nonnegotiable people.
38. I will not allow people and the Devil to speak defeat into my life. I will listen to the still small voice of Jesus as He speaks victory into my life.
39. I will let my dry bones awake and revive.
40. I will try my best and let God do the rest. I will not get too stressed to forget how blessed I truly am.

Reject or Relentless

Jessica Sunday

"You're a reject." That very word sunk deep into my heart and buried itself even deeper into my thoughts. The insecurity I felt in that moment overwhelmed me like a shadow falling heavy around me. It set in. The insecurity of believing this lie shattered my heart for these words were spoken by someone I love. A question lingered within me. How could someone who provides for me speak such hurt into my life? This two syllable word echoed back to me with rage, doubt, and rejection... 'reject, reject, reject.' I knew this wasn't true, but why did I start believing this lie? 

It was not long before I let it eat at me. I think now I know what the problem was. I had lost focus that my Heavenly Father - my Abba Father - does not label me in such a derogatory way. No. He calls me chosen, called out, sent forth, daughter, virtuous, and relentless (Okay, maybe relentless is not found in the Bible. I am not actually sure), but I know with your Father God you can be relentless). I am working hard to speak this affirmation to the deepest places of my heart - that I am relentless - that even when the closest people in your life spew words of rejection at you, you are more than capable of being and becoming relentless. It may be a process of becoming relentless because you need to weed out  doubts, fears, cares, tears, and rejection from your life. Do not lose hope. You will find your way, and when you do, you will be so glad looking back that you have decided to become relentless rather than resorting to the lie of rejection. You are not a reject. I am not a reject. I am relentless. You are relentless. 

Here are some ways we can be relentless in the midst of rejection: 

• Talk to your Heavenly Father, and ask for His healing. 
• Meditate on truths from God's Word. 
• Speak words of affirmation into your life. 
• Try not to dwell on the rejection, and surround yourself with people who know your worth. 
• Pray for the person causing you grief. 

Have you found yourself believing the lies of rejection? Find your comfort in the One who knows your every longing and desires to fulfill your biggest dreams. With Him, He will make you relentless. You will form an unbreakable bond with your Heavenly Father that no man can break. 

The Heart of Thankfulness

The Heart of Thankfulness

Jessica Sunday 

Tomorrow is indeed Thanksgiving, and we have a lot to be thankful for. We also must not forget who we ought to be thankful to. In the midst of the Thanksgiving tradition you may be familiar with - yes, the one where your family goes around the table and states something they are thankful for, we must not forget to whom our blessings come from - Jesus Christ. Now, I can name a plethora of things I am truly blessed with; however, I will save you from reading that list. I do, however, want to focus on the many who may not have friends and family to celebrate such a joyous holiday. 

Christ did not just choose to give us abundant blessings to  tightly grip onto. He gave them to us so that those blessings might just pour bountifully into the lives of others. The heart of thankfulness is giving. I mean, that is what the word "thanksgiving" consists of - { thanks and giving} That is just it! When we are thankful, we give, or at least we should. 

Who is it in your life that you know could use some "giving"? Who is it that you are called to love tomorrow? Before you gather with friends and family, think of that one person you can bring a little Thanksgiving to and see what the Lord might do through you. It is not too late to be a blessing. Pray for the person that came to mind, and be a blessing. If that means picking up the phone and inviting that person for Thanksgiving dinner, helping at a mission, sending a card,  or preparing a plate of food for them tomorrow - do it. Tomorrow will pass, and the rush of Black Friday will consume many, but carry this thankfulness and giving to others beyond this weekend. Have a lovely Thanksgiving! 

"O give thanks unto the Lord; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever." {Psalm 118:29}